Realising My Dream

I am starting to sound like a book reviewer here. I have mentioned Bethenney Frankel's A Place Of Yes book on my blog before but I am truly thankful.  I can't help it, its true after my hypnobirthing experience Bethenney's book kept me on my path of self belief, gave me the motivation I needed.

She inspired me to chase my goals.  Helped me get to my Place of Yes, made me believe that I could and would achieve anything I set out to achieve.  No excuses anymore, no self doubt, there was only ever one person stopping me from achieving anything for myself and that one person was me.  I was standing in the way of my dreams!

I've always had a passion for real estate, love viewing homes, home style magazines, love all the tv shows around at the moment.  So it made sense to me that why not become a Real Estate Agent.  I have had this dream in the back of my head for years now but never done anything about it.  I didn't know how or if I could even do this.  Always doubting myself.

I read A Place Of Yes, slowly but surely, in baby nap times, whenever I could agreeing with each statement along the way.  So, could I actually become a real estate agent?  Yes, I sure can!  How can I achieve this?
What do I need to achieve this?  I researched and researched and found the basic qualification to start working as a Real Estate Agent is to complete a Certificate of Regsitration.  Right, this is now my goal!

To gain my Certiicate of Registration is the first step towards my dream!

I found the right course for me, online study whenever I could I would study.  I applied, got my log in details emailed to me and that was it.  I was away!  I was studying to achieve my goal. 

Its taken me a while, five months to be exact.  I've studied, completed assessments and then my final research project, all the while looking after my two children and household duties.  If I can do it, so can you!  Whenever I had a spare hour, half an hour or even ten minutes I would be studying.  Its so fulfilling, to learn something new, a real sense of achievement.

So, now here I am, with my Certificate of Registration ready to take the next step into achieving my goal.

Thank you Bethenney Frankel!

The key is to find something you love doing and building on your experience.

http://www.bethenny.com/
http://rets.com.au/

Free Toilet Training Printout

It All Started With Hypnobirthing!

If you can dream it and if you want it enough, you must make yourself believe it, that you will achieve it.

Believing and understanding you can do something, educate yourself repetitively, constantly and then eventually you WILL believe in yourself that you can do it.  You Can Do It!  Tell yourself this!

Hynobirthding - Pain free labour!

I was sceptical, I was a non believer, I thought it was a rediculous statement, stupid, something that hippies did.  This was only because I didn't understand it, I didn't know anything about it.  I had my head in the clouds, a non believer in myself.

Until I started to think about it, what harm could it do?  I decided to give it a go, if it could only help in some way, the smallest way, why not?  It was something to do to keep me busy, a book to read whilst at home.

I read it, listened to the CD, enjoyed it, reread it several times.  Couldn't get enough of it, I educated myself to believe that yes in fact I may actually have the power in believing in myself that I could deliver, I would deliver, I must deliver, theres no two ways about it, the baby will be coming out.  So why not give this alternative way of birthing a go, I have nothing to loose.

If women in Africa, even in todays world, can do this, deliver a baby painfree in a field with no help, no medical support, I can do it too.  I can do it!  I can do this!  Not actually in a field!

Along with this most motivational pregnancy book and my fitness ball I will do it.  I bounced on my ball every night in the last weeks of pregnancy, ritually made myself bounce, sometimes during the day and then at night whilst watching tv.  It was fun and it was comfortable believe it or not.

The last night of pregnancy made the most difference, the most movements.  I could literally feel, as I bounced and bounced, the baby heading further and further down as though she was between my legs!  Crazy feeling, exciting feeling, but never once a scary feeling because I believed in myself.  The closer we got to labour day the more excited I got.

The next morning, my waters broke and I started with contractions.  Instead of panicking I waited, I got up, I had a nice hot shower, washed my hair, got dressed, it was lovely.  But then due to my mums panicking, you can't stop others, we agreed to go to the hosptial. Even though I instinctly knew it wasn't time, I wasn't ready, the baby wasnt ready.

We got to the hospital, got checked over and were then left with the decision to stay in hospital and wait for things to progress or we could go home and relax in my own surroundings, so we did the latter.  At home, I bounced some more, walked around some more, had breakfast and a nice cup of tea!  Up until the point I knew I was ready.

Off we went back to the hospital.  Got examined straight away and the baby was very ready to be delivered into the world.  I had thought I was only in the beginning stages of labour but I was 10cm dialated already and was soon at the pushing stage.  An hour and a half of labour and two pushes later our beautiful baby girl was born!

I was in awe, I was dumbstruck, it worked, it worked because I believed in Hypnobirthing and believed in myself that I could do this, I did it!  I did it!

And so can you!  Its all about the believing!

My Panic Attack

I thought I was losing my mind!

It started last Friday.  

I was and have been feeling very frustrated job hunting, getting nothing back from job applications, not even a polite email to say not interested.  This left me feeling useless, nothing, a nobody, who would employ a mum of two who hasnt worked for six years, no one it seems.  I check my inbox every five minutes and pounce on my phone when it rings, just in case it might be a possible future employer calling about a possible interview.

It's not as though I haven't been trying, I've applied for every job going from admin work, hotel work, retail work through to real estate positions (my passion). But nothing nada!

I feel as though I've been stuck at home since Christmas going out of my mind.  I'm trying to keep the kids busy by day trips, swimming, beach days, picnics, park trips and on rainy days drawing, writing and film days with popcorn (of course).

All was going swimmingly (I thought) until last Friday.  It was a lousy day, weather wise, so we were more or less housebound.  i was keeping the kids entertained as much as I could with a bored out of his brain 5 year old eager to start kindy and a teething 18 month old.  As I type I'm getting requests from the 5 year old about his next activity.  

It was all going well until around 3pm I think I broke!  The baby was crying again from the 5 year old being too rough and again not listening to me.  So there she was crying at the top of her lungs and the 5 year old proclaimed AGAIN 'mum, I'm hungry',  I saw red, I was shaking, all I could think of was, get yourself to the bathroom NOW!  

This is where the pieces fell apart.  I was crying uncontrollably, shaking, sort of chanting, it was horrible to say the least.  I counted to ten, then counted to ten again.  But the kids were still crying and whining for food even though they'd just had snack time.  So I counted to ten a third time and tried to hold myself together enough to walk to the pantry.  I grabbed everything in site and sat the, kids in front of the tv while I slowly broke apart in another room.

There I was chanting again, crying, shaking, I didn't know who to ring, too early for UK calls, and didn't feel I had any real close friends here to open up to.  So I dialed my husbands number.  I really feel for him now looking back.  I called and broke down in words (although he couldn't understand me), he later told me he first thought something had happened to one of the kids, I was that delirious.

He tried to calm me down as best he could, told me to breathe, I was having a panic attack and couldnt breathe properly.  It took me a while to get my breathing back to normal.  He dropped everything at work and said he was coming home.  I don't know what I'd do without him!

Since this episode I've felt much better although not quite myself, still a little down, but trying very very hard not to get back to that place.

My Reach Out To Hubby

My heartfelt reach out email to my husband. I cried as I typed! Sorry for spelling, grammar and rawness but it helped getting it written down and I felt it may help some other mums out there who may sometimes feel lonely!

When you're at work and I text or ring you with a problem or when I'm having a bad day or the kids are playing up you always reply with something that translates and sounds like 'I don't care' even though you should because they are you're kids as well.  But when you discuss work I listen, I respond, I come up with solutions, it's called a conversation, I'm showing you I'm listening and I'm responding!

I am always in this house alone with these 2 kids 5 days a week and when you're home at night or weekends we always seem to stay at home within the same walls as ive been in all week.  You let things go that I've tried all week to instill in the kids, especially H!  At nights and weekends it always seems to be you 2 against me and you always side with the 5 year old!  This has always been the case and is always why we argue, but still you don't change it. 

 We need to stand together with discipline.  Fair enough last night was harsh, I shouldnt have pushed H's chair in.  But he wasn't listening to me, he hadnt been all day.  But you never once told him off.  Weekends should also be a break for me but they are double the work because you make it harder for me.  I've said sorry to him today and explained why, he seems to understand where you never do.  I'm not proud of what I did but I'm doing all this parenting alone and it just gets on top of me sometimes.

Last night along the beach I couldn't stop crying.  I seem to fuck everything up. No one stays in my life other than you and the kids, look at what my mum and brother think of me?  Look how my dads never been there!  I must be doing something wrong!  I'm just very lonely, whatever I do I always get back to this place.

You make me feel like I'm a shit person and a shit parent although who's always home, who takes the kids to the doctors, to the dentist, for injections, to school, who finds the school?  

It took an argument last night for me to be able to walk out to have a bit of time to myself but all I did was cry!  Every time you walk out this door, you get to be alone, you get to think, you get to drive and listen to the radio, you get a lunch break!  I get none of these!  So cut me a bit of slack, it's hard doing this alone!  I honestly have no one!

Returning To Work

I have decided and told you all about my desire, my determination to return to the workforce.  I have this passion to work in real estate and fascinated by shows like Selling Houses Australia, Relocation, Relocation and such.  I have this burning desire to become a Personal Realtor and I will get there, slowly but surely I will get there!

It's not all plain sailing though, it's filled my head with insecurities, it's shown me I have no patience, Ive had a lot of knock backs, emails saying thanks for your application but no thanks!

I don't know what it may be why I'm getting these knock backs, all these NO emails.  I honestly think its because I have not worked for 6 years.  I have been and still am a SAHM (stay at home mum) wanting to return to work. It's the huge gap in my CV that is putting prospective employers off.

This gap cannot be changed though and I have wholeheartedly enjoyed, laughed, cried, been angry, been down, been uplifted etc etc.  All the experiences I've had within those years have made me who I am today and I wouldn't have changed a second of it!

I know I will get there, I will be employed this year, I've just got to be more patient.  All good things come to those who believe in themselves, who channel all things positive.

Once I am employed I will no longer be a pushover, be the one who doesn't get noticed, the shy one, I am no longer the girl who suffered silently in the corner of a stuffy office.  I am a mother, I am now determined, I get things that need to be done, done!

Getting Back To My Yes Place

I admit it I have a lot of image noise.  I am too worried about what others think, be it friends or family, the latter being the case!  

When we see our family, they have travelled thousands of miles for the privelege and stay with us, in our home, for a 2 to 3 week period.  I very much appreciate that they have come so far and spent so much to get here and love every minute of them being here with us as I do miss them all year through!  

For weeks before their intended arrival though I completely torture myself getting the house ready, to my clean standards whilst juggling two whirlwinds that are my children!

I shop for their favorite foods, make sure there is fine wine at hand, plenty of 'Aussie' cliches they expect from bbq's to planning beach days.  To which they are appreciative and mostly enjoy, although sometimes its so hard to tell.  They seem to always arrive from a place of no and I spend the whole time they are here trying to make them happy, to smile, be themselves and chill the hell out!

I have now come to the conclusion that you can't make people come from the same place you are coming from, it's just ridiculous to think that you can.  Frankly, once they have boarded that plane back to the UK I am suddenly left coming from a place of no!

It takes me a while to get back to the real me.  I am left feeling I am on the wrong path and start rethinking my decisions.  This last time I was left feeling what will my in laws think about my return to work, will I be abandoning my babies?  How can I be so selfish?  I considered a rethink from my real estate career to something more fitting like looking for a job in child care.  

It wasn't until I picked up my book, Bethenny Frankels, A Place of Yes, that I was reminded why I actually started my online course, I want something for me, I want to achieve something, I want to return to the workforce and I want to bring home a salary.  It took me a while to get back into my, I can do anything frame of mind, whilst still looking after, cooking for, reading to, bathing and loving my children.  I can do it all, nobody has to suffer, no children will be abandoned!

I am back on the journey to 'My place of Yes'!